Tuesday, April 22, 2014

Sightings and observations today

Coming across something strange or uncommon during your day is usually rare but today however, I experienced an eye full.  I'll go in order of experience. 

#1.  What I saw this morning on my way to school is something I can never unsee. Something that makes me lose a few more points of hope in humanity. I shudder and cringe and curse the shear ignorance at my sighting.  I had a long drive to school this morning. I had been at my sister in laws house way down south keeping eye on my niece and nephews. Left their house with 2 hours to spare, hopefully enough to get me there in time.  I decided I should stop for breakfast to help my tired eyes wake.  Pulled into the parking lot of a large gas station with a McDonalds.  As soon as I pulled in, by the main road there is a car parked.  This car is parked far from the actual buildings.  Based on the actions of the people involved, it's now clear they were looking for some umm..shall I say privacy. And what should my wandering eyes see? A couple engaged in...well I'm sure you've guessed by now. My eyes had to do a double take. Not because of the naked flesh frolicking about hoping to catch a better glimpse, but to make sure my brain wasn't playing any horrible tricks on me. Nope, I was terribly right. I saw exactly what I thought I saw. Two children in the backseat. Both fast asleep, thank goodness, but still there none the less.  I said it out loud then and still saying it now, pardon my French, 

Having just registered and it really clicked what I saw, I had to notify the authorities. I go inside and right away the clerk at the desk ask if those people are still out there.  Good. Glad I'm not the only one.  They had already called the police and we're waiting for them to arrive to break up their little rendezvous. Let's just all hope those poor children didn't actually witness anything. Disgusting.  I was wide awake by then. 

#2.  Made it to school on time. I have seen this guy around campus before.  I don't know anything about him but today I learned about a tiny fraction of his life simply through observation.  He is without legs. He gets around via a Segway and have even seen him with prosthetic legs and crutches.  Today, I saw him moving up fast behind some slow walkers.  Clearly annoyed by those in the fast lane but who should really be on the access road, I hear him say, "move over out of the way or lose it like I did". A good sense of humor.  Still doesn't tell me what happened to this guy, but I can say its obvious he has and won't let anything ever get in his way. Always with his head held high, An inspiration for sure. 

#3. After my first class, I stopped off at the ladies room.  I take care of business, come out to wash my hands and Im immediately greeted with some girl wearing what is laughingly called a skirt around her waist and her buttocks exposed, primping herself in the mirror.  Is it Halloween already or did I just teleport to a gentlemen's club?  

Oh right!  I'm at school. Perfectly acceptable place to wear such attire.  My bra is bigger than this piece of so called clothing. Either that speaks volumes on my behalf or hers. Your choice.  Get it together girl.  You'll never get anywhere in life if your main concern at school is picking up men instead of getting your education on.  

#4.  I've seen my fair share of pimped out cars.  We're never short of that in the Alamo city. Most are of certain makes and models. Most of you already have a thought as to the kind of vehicle I'm about to describe.  Flashy rims, sparkly paint job with lots of extras all around.  Fur lined dash with matching seat covers and fuzzy dice on the mirror. Oh how I wish I could have gotten my phone out fast enough to take a pic of this one.  It was a smart car.   Yeah, those tiny little things with wheels that look just like this. Minus the toddler. 

So keep your eyes peeled folks and you might be lucky enough to see this wonder for yourself. You'll think Mr. Flashy Pimp the Clown is in town. But I assure you not. No need to rush to make your party reservations so fast. It's just his little brother with his sensible and environmentally economical car. 

#5. And then....lucky me! I can finally cross an item off on my bucket list of things to see. 
I've only waited almost 33 years to see this badboy in person! Sweet!  Looks like it was headed to fiesta.  Right along with the rest if the other wieners that were on the road. 

#6. Last but certainly not least. The mail I received.  Along with a couple of bills and junk mail I get one of those dreaded chain letters.  Sad there was no return name or address so I could publicly call out this moron to everybody.  But lucky me right? I'm about to be rich! 
Sounds enticing!  Who wouldn't wanna make that kind of dough. And Oprah never lies!  Ahh...here's where it gets you.
See that right there? Yeah. That ensures you'll never be left alone again by scammers. Ever. Unless you legally change your name, move and get a full body reconstruction. 
Right *insert eye roll*. Just like eating a dozen doughnuts is perfectly healthy for you.  

So how does this baby work. Easy. You just mail one dollar to each of the 6 names enclosed. Notify this company you want to be added to mailing list, request a list of 200 names of the other schmucks who fell for this. Send them all a copy. Wait. And voila! Bada bing, bada bang, bada boom...you're rich!  Do this a few times you'll have enough money to rub elbows with Jay Z himself. All in the comfort of your yoga pants. 

So let me break it all down. 

-send your initial dollar to the first 6 names you have. Total includes cost of postage stamp at .49 cents each. 

=$8.49


-contact "company", purchase name list with 200 addresses.

=$45


-photo copy 200 copies of six page letter. Let's just utilize the library copier at .10 cents a pop. 1200 pieces of paper. 

=$120


-now you'll need envelopes. I found a box of business sized envelopes on Amazon. $6.98 per 100. 200 envelopes. 

=$13.96


-can't forget your stamps now. 200 of them. 

=$98.


Your total out of pocket, up front "investment", only $285.45.

Next months car payment. That can wait though because come this time two months from now I'm gonna be wiping my bum with 100's. 

I really feel sorry for anyone that falls victim to this crap. If getting rich was this easy, no one in the US would be shopping at Walmart no more. We'd be an economy full Louis Vuitton carrying, Prada wearing,  champagne wishes and caviar dreaming folks. 

What a day! 


 

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